If you’re in a serious relationship and you’re looking, in the long-term, at the possibility of building a family, then you should make sure that you and your partner are having those conversations ahead of time. First of all, you want to make sure that you are on the same page, or at least a similar page, in regards to having a family. But you also want to make sure that you’re doing what you can to plan for the family that you want to build, too.
By Team Savant
Image: Jonathan Borba
Are you going to have children?
The most important question is whether or not children are part of the equation for both of you. If you want to get an idea of how much of a priority children are for your partner, start by asking them where they see themselves in ten years. Whether there are children or not in the picture will give you a good idea of how much they consider them. Don’t be coy about the topic, however, dive into why you might or might not want children. Often, the answer will make itself apparent as you talk openly about it.
How many are you going to have?
If you do want kids and are on the same page there, you might want to talk about how many you want in the family. Aside from putting the cap on how many babies you want to pop out, you should talk about options when you reach that number, such as arranging for a vasectomy. There are economic, health, and time-based realities to consider when it comes to the question of how many children you want in your family. They’re worth considering.
What kind of community will you raise them in?
Where you want to raise your family and where you currently are may be two entirely different locations. For instance, you might want to think about moving to somewhere with the infrastructure such as schools and public transportation to make life easier for the family, or you might want to consider your own support network and family, and how accessible it is for you currently.
What kind of parents will you be?
A lot of parents don’t think actively about how they’re going to raise their children, they simply slip naturally into the role as a matter of course. However, there are styles of parenting to consider, such as slow parenting, that you might want to think about ahead of time.
How will it affect other parts of your life?
Having children will change everything for both of you. However, the depth of those changes can be pretty drastically different for each parent. Women, in particular, are often expected to step down from having as active a role in their career and while many mothers are entirely fine with this and it matches their own priorities, it’s a discussion you should have. You might have thoughts to the contrary and want to remain a working mom.
The conversations above need to happen earlier, when possible. You don’t want to run out of time for any of your plans, nor do you want any surprises to pop up that force things to change, either.